Sunday, February 28, 2016

Six months later

Six months ago today I underwent my bilateral mastectomy. And tomorrow is my replacement surgery. It is crazy to think about just how much I have gone through in six months. It has been almost a month since my last chemo treatment, and yet I feel like it ended years ago. I have relished feeling really good for the past several weeks, and I never want it to end!

This morning I had the opportunity to share my story with a wonderful woman at my church. Her questions made me really think about the journey I have been through, and to be honest, I haven't thought much about it the last few weeks. So now that the hard part is done, how do I really make meaning out of all of it? Here are a few things I don't want to forget as my life moves forward:
  1. My suffering was good, even when I didn't think so.
  2. God provides, even when you least expect it.
  3. Belonging to a church community is vital.
  4. People want to help, even when they aren't sure how to.
  5. It is okay to ask for help. Accepting help allows others to bless you.
What do I really want people to know? Well, it is pretty simple. A true relationship with Christ is pretty awesome, and I want all my friends and people who read this blog to have one. If you want to talk with me about it just let me know.

Okay, and now on to the boob talk. I get new ones tomorrow. I am so excited for my surgery! I am ready to get rid of these rock-hard tissue expanders and enjoy the luxury of silicone implants. I had a rough time recovering from the anesthesia after the last surgery, so I really hope they figure things out a bit better for tomorrow (especially since it is an outpatient surgery). I also hate prescription pain killers, so I'm going to try to avoid those. I don't like feeling funny. I like feeling normal. Just hook me up with the Tylenol and I'll be happy.

I'll have two full weeks to recover, and I imagine I'll feel better pretty quickly. So, that gives me some free time to do a few things. I want to go to JC Penney and check out some pants that my friends are raving about. I imagine they will be too short for me, but that's what boots are for (yes, most of my jeans are high waters and nobody even realizes it!). I want to get a pedicure. I want to read, watch Netflix, and organize my house a bit. I really want to get back to Farrell's as quickly as possible. Can you all believe that I have put on 20 pounds since I was at my lightest weight? That's what McDonald's, soda, and candy do to a person!

I must also mention that I broke up with Chad this past Friday. The worst part of the procedure was when the nurse slid a very cold metal plate under my back, which was needed just in case they needed to cauterize (which thankfully wasn't needed). Other than that, the whole thing was only about 20 minutes and perfectly delightful. Okay, there was some discomfort, but it wasn't bad. I could have taken Chad home with me but I declined. That seemed a little weird.

I'll keep everyone posted on how tomorrow's surgery goes. I kind of wish it was appropriate to show before and after pictures. I'll keep those to myself. Maybe.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

The ugly girl and Chad

Well, friends, I have recently come to the unfortunate realization that I am quite unattractive right now. Simply put, I am ugly. I see myself in the mirror at Farrell's and think, Good lord that is an ugly person! I even wondered today why Jen wants to work out next to me...oh wait, she's wonderful and likes me even though I am ugly. I get ready for work in the morning and really try to look nice but in the end, I don't. I have noticed that I just avoid looking at myself in the mirror. Today I was even grateful to go to work because there aren't really any mirrors in my office space. No eyelashes, thin eyebrows, super pale, slightly fat, and really bad hair make for a horrible combination. I've been wondering if a spray tan might help. Maybe I'll give it a try.

Now, before anybody starts to feel sorry for me you must realize that I am okay with being unattractive. I got over caring too much about how I look after my awkward junior high years. I am happy to feel good most of the time, I have great friends and family, and of course Jesus loves me just as I am. Ugly and all.

In other news, Chad and I are going to be together a little longer than I anticipated (for those of you who don't know, Chad is my port). Chad was supposed to come out on Monday, but the surgeon's office called yesterday to cancel on me. I am pretty annoyed by it, and am told that the procedure can be done next Friday at some point in the day. Friday is terribly inconvenient for me, but what matters most is that it is done before my surgery on Monday the 29th.

I've been doing Farrell's for a full week now and have been feeling pretty good. I am very sore as my body adjusts but it is great. I talked with my physical therapist today about recovery from my next surgery, and she thinks I'll be able to do very light bands about three weeks after surgery. Right now my hope is to be back to kickboxing (more kick, less boxing) by the Friday after surgery. That's four days later.  Jen says I'm too stubborn. That could be true. But stubborn and a lot of faith are what have helped get me this far!

Friday, February 12, 2016

Back at it!

I haven’t posted in a while; I’ve been busy being cancer-free and done with chemo! I had a visit with the plastic surgeon last week to discuss my replacement surgery, and I am very comfortable with the procedure. My recovery time should be relatively short, but I am still being required to stay home from work for two weeks. I really am hoping for nice weather; sitting outside with a book and some sunshine sounds absolutely delightful.
 
I stepped on the scale this week. It was scary. Right after surgery and for the first round of chemo I lost a lot of weight. I could eat anything I wanted and the weight kept falling off. Well, it has all come back. And then some. I guess laying around for four months, eating candy and donuts, was bound to catch up with me. As I was wrapping up chemo I was told to take it easy at first, so earlier this week I brought my work-out clothes to work and walked on the treadmill over the noon hour. I also started counting calories. And you know what? I hate that stuff. I hate counting calories and treadmill walking is dreadfully boring. So yesterday I went back to Farrell’s. Forget about taking it easy. I’m jumping back in! The last two mornings have been tough but amazing all at the same time. When kickboxing class ended this morning I was so happy because I DID IT! There were so many days during my treatment when I could barely get out of bed. I clearly remember a day when walking from the house to the mailbox was a huge accomplishment. And this morning I kicked ass. Of course there were things that I couldn’t do. My body is weak from being poisoned consistently over the last four and half months. But I’ll get it back. Just wait and see!

Monday, February 1, 2016

You can't get coverage

Although today was supposed to be a rest day for me, Troy and I ended up meeting with our financial advisor for our annual review. I am happy to report that Troy and I can both retire at 65 and die at 95 with money to spare. One thing that came up was life insurance. I bought a term policy before Marah was born, and I can extend it when it expires without any medical exams. I always knew this was a good thing, but today it was really obvious just how good. As our financial advisor explained, I probably can't get life insurance now that I have cancer in my medical background (or it would be super expensive). I hadn't thought about that (why would I, really?). And, it makes me wonder what else has changed now that I've had cancer. What else haven't I thought about? Are there things that I should have done before cancer that I won't be able to do now? I suppose those things will be revealed to me as they come along. It just isn't something I thought much about until now.

In other news, Janice has made a return to our household. Marah is sick, and I can feel Janice making an attempt to hang out in my body again. I am hoping that since I'm not going to get poisoned on Friday my body can fight Janice off successfully. I know I haven't done a good job of letting my body recover from this last round of chemo, though. In my mind I'm done with chemo, so I should be feeling awesome right away. I have tried to do way too much these last couple of days and I'm afraid I'll pay for it by needing a little extra time to feel better. But I will feel amazing soon and that makes me so happy!

To wrap things up tonight, I have two action items for my lovely readers:

  1. If you've been putting off purchasing life insurance, don't wait. Buy it while you're healthy. Because you never know when that can all change. 
  2. If you don't have a will, find yourself a lawyer and get one. It isn't something we worried much about until Marah came along, but it is so important to have your wishes clearly (and legally) articulated. 
So, that's it from here! Good night everyone!