Sunday, May 22, 2016

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough...

It has been over a month since I've written, and I've just been living a normal life. But, today during church the inspiration to write struck. So, to all my friends, consider yourselves lucky. You get more of my blog!

Two things happened at work last week that left me feeling pretty bad about myself. Convinced that I had done something wrong, hadn't performed well, or was otherwise unworthy, I spent most of Friday  night and Saturday dwelling on it. My concerns about my job had total control of my thoughts. But then I went to church. Ah yes, church. Today I was reminded of the things I already know but I had allowed my anxiety to get the best of me. I've written before about my identity. Who am I? What's most important? I am a child of God. I am loved. And I don't need to worry about proving myself at work because I am fully accepted and loved by my Savior. In Christ I have power over that worry. So, at church this morning I laid those worries at the cross and you know what, the rest of the day was spectacular. Tomorrow I will go to work and perform the best I can and know that it is good enough in the ways that really matter. And, in the grand perspective of eternity, those little things at work really aren't all that significant after all.

In other fun news, I'm selling pretty much all of Marah's baby stuff in a garage sale with Jen next weekend. So, if you or somebody you know needs baby things (infant stuff as well as all of the clothes she has ever worn in her four years of life) send them my way. Before the cancer came along Troy and I were pretty certain that we were done having kids. I kept all of the baby things, though, just in case another baby would be in our future. Cancer, however, has taken that choice away from us. We don't even know if my body can have another baby, but if I did get pregnant I would have to go off the drugs that are keeping the cancer away. And that definitely would be a bad thing. So, we're done for now. I'm leaving the door open for other possibilities in the future, but in the  meantime I'd like some money. I do need to find a way to pay for the poolside cabana I'll be enjoying in Las Vegas with my girlfriends in July!